Forget The “What Ifs?”

It’s almost 2AM and I am unable to fall asleep. I’m unsure if it’s because of the extra coffee I had in the afternoon or if it’s from the excitement and nerves about the next chapter of my life I am about to enter.

In just a few days I will be moving out on my own – about damn time! It was a quick on-the-fly decision I made. I find I make the best decisions when I don’t sit and dwell on them too much. Needless to say, it’s been a hectic week getting everything in order and packing all my things, as well, working full-time and studying for a test all in the same week. 

My mind has been flooded with so many emotions in the past week – anticipation, fear, joy, sadness – I’ve been feeling it all. I’m the type of person who will cry out of extreme happiness or out of the “normal” opposite of sadness. Kind of like Kristen Bell when her husband brought home a sloth for her birthday – watch this episode of Ellen if you don’t know what I’m talking about. Anyways, one morning I was driving to work and broke down in tears. No, I’m not an emotional wreck. I had a thought cross my mind. I tried explaining this thought to friends and family, but I feel that only a fellow diabetic might fully get this one. Living at home with my mom all my life until now I never really worried about not waking up in the morning from a low blood sugar. She was always there to check in on me when I was younger and her mom instinct would kick in letting her know something was up when I wouldn’t get out of bed at my usual time. She would come into my room and ask if I was going to school and if I didn’t respond or get out of bed right away she would come back with a juice box in hand. Something I now look back on and realize I kind of took for granted.

I try not to focus on these type of thoughts as I know they do me no good. At the same time, I can appreciate that I am aware of my situation, the work involved and that I am willing to do what I need to live a healthy life. A lesson that has taken me a long time to learn and one that I sometimes still struggle with is to not worry. To not think “What if?” Anything can happen at any given moment to any of us, diabetic or not. Sure, I have a bit more on my agenda to cover, but I will manage just as I always have. Living on my own I know I will have to be that much more diligent and self-aware. Don’t worry mom, I got this!

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